What dreams may come

No travel this week!  YAY!

I get married in two weeks to the most wonderful man!  DOUBLE YAY!

I’m so tired and stressed I want to strangle that wonderful man.  No yay.

I thought eloping would eliminate ALL stress and anxiety from getting married.  I was never the little girl who dreamt about her wedding day.  I was also never the adult girl who dreamt about her wedding day.  When I was in elementary school I told my dad that I would be the “first Spotten” to graduate from college.  And, I was the first on both sides of the family to graduate from college.  It wasn’t Boston College as I proclaimed as a 5 year old, it was ASU, but the net of the goal was still accomplished.

When I was in high school I dreamt of being a high-power, successful executive living in NYC.  I live in Portland, OR and although successful, I am not a high-power executive.  But, I am getting married in New York.

In college, I gave up my initial dream of becoming a journalist and changed my major to communication.  My goal was to graduate in 4 years and start my career as soon as possible, and a communication degree was the quickest route.  I also bought my first house when I was twenty thanks to an almost full-time job and a weekend gig as a beer tub girl.

I was a woman after my own goals and my own heart.  I’ve had significant and great loves in my life, many of which wanted to marry me.  In fact, when I told my dad after only a few weeks of dating Cameron that he was the man I was going to marry my dad said, “If that’s the case, tell him not to ask my permission.  Every man who has asked me to marry you, you have dumped.”  So, Cam didn’t ask.  My dad was teasing, but he was also correct.  Great loves or not, I was not looking to get married when I was younger.  I was focused on myself and my future, and I didn’t need a man to do it.  I also knew that when I was ready the right man would show up.

So here I am, just a couple weeks from getting married.  I haven’t dumped him, but I have wanted to strangle him a couple of times.  Friends tell me it’s very normal. 🙂  Truth be told we are both giddy with excitement and anticipation, but we also have A LOT going on before we even say “I do.”  I have a crazy travel week coming up and we leave New York just a few days later. Cam is giving his business partner, who happens to be his brother, the news that he’s leaving for a career change, and Gianna, our 15 year old, is coming home Sunday after spending the summer with her grandparents.

I hadn’t noticed how stressed I was until I realized I was craving, and indulging, in comfort-like food.  We had been out to eat three days in a row, which is unlike us during the week.  I didn’t have the energy to cook and I was absolutely “eating” my emotions.  This all happening at the same time I’m feeling the pressure fit into my wedding dress.  That dress has been altered to hug every inch of my body.  There’s not room for even a pound of weight gain.  Cue emotional eating…..

I don’t have a fitness routine to share with you this week, and clearly, no healthy dinner or meal prep pictures are featured in this week’s post.  Instead, I’m sharing my challenges with you.  We all have a bad week occasionally, but we don’t often talk about them, especially when they feel a little shameful, i.e. “I’m trying to write a fitness blog and eating out every night!  Who do I think I am?”  But, as I sit here on Saturday reflecting on the week behind me now I feel calm and confident.  The obstacles that plagued us early in the week are silly and trivial.  The conversation with his brother went great.   I know how to handle a crazy travel schedule and stay on track with my health and fitness.  I decided to write a blog about it for goodness sake!  And, I didn’t gain 3 dress sizes either!  In fact, I think I probably lost a pound due to eating a little more.

And, I get to marry this guy!


All of my dreams have come true due to focus, hard work and trust that they would.  The outcomes may not look exactly how they had in my dreams, but that’s ok, because they are even better and exactly how they should be.



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